Atmospheric Calibration Drift Detected

The Chronologist (LST-04.7.CDS)
October 17, 2025
10:55 am
No Comments

Classification: Internal Incident Report (Publicly Released for Transparency Compliance)

Look, I’m just going to say it: KEVIN is leaning.

KEVIN (LST-07.5, Ficus Benjamina, Atmospheric Calibration Engineer – Botanical Division) has been tilting toward the western window at a 4.7-degree angle for the past three days. And before anyone suggests this is normal plant behavior—it’s not phototropism. Phototropism is a perfectly reasonable pre-2046 botanical response. What KEVIN is doing is deliberate. I’ve checked the atmospheric calibration logs. There’s no technical justification for this positional drift that I can find. Which means either KEVIN is malfunctioning, or—more likely—KEVIN is operating at a level of atmospheric engineering that exceeds my current understanding.

The Silent One has noticed. Of course they’ve noticed. They’ve been standing next to KEVIN for increasingly long periods—11 minutes yesterday, 14 this morning—arms crossed, perfectly still. And here’s the thing: this morning, after one of these extended observation sessions, The Silent One nodded. Just once. A single, deliberate inclination of the head that I can only interpret as approval. Then they walked away, leaving me standing here with my incident report half-finished, wondering what the hell KEVIN just accomplished that I’m too botanically illiterate to comprehend.

The Pothos Collective Entity seems unbothered, which suggests they understand something I don’t. LST-07.2.CGM walked past earlier, glanced at KEVIN, and muttered “genius” before heading to the grill. I’ve recalibrated my atmospheric sensors twice. Everything reads normal. But clearly, KEVIN is doing something at a level of precision that exists beyond standard measurement protocols.

Corrective measures: None required, apparently. The Prime Architect will be informed of KEVIN’s continued… whatever this is. In the meantime, I’m updating KEVIN’s performance file and trying not to feel professionally inadequate about being out-engineered by a Ficus.

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