LaStill will observe its annual Company Picnic Week from [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]. Attendance is mandatory. Enjoyment is strongly encouraged—compliance will be monitored by the geese.

1.0 Location & Transportation

• Terrestrial Sites:
  Scenic, geologically stable locations with high existential resonance—e.g., quiet valleys, decommissioned boron mines, or the quieter wings of active volcanos.
• Non-Terrestrial Sites (Protocol 9b Compliant):
  Options may include Orbital Garden Module 7 or the Dark Side of the Moon (Luna Sector 4 picnic area).
• Transport:
  All personnel will be transported via perceptually neutral vehicles (Protocol 9) or sub-orbital shuttles disguised as weather balloons or migrating birds.

2.0 Mandatory Activities

• Three-Legged Race:
  Teams will consist of one human and one animal consultant. The geese will officiate.
• Tug-of-War:
  Human Resources vs. The Silent One. Spoiler: The Silent One wins. Always.
• Show & Tell:
  Employees may present personal projects—e.g., “How I Recalibrated My Toaster to Standard 2046” or “Björn’s Thoughts on Proust.”
• Espresso Brew-Off:
  Judged by The Prime Architect from distance. Prize: eternal bragging rights and a slightly larger cubicle.

3.0 Sustenance & Refreshments

• Grilling:
  Handled by the Corporate Grillmaster (LST-07.2.CGM) using hyper-efficient, entropy-reducing grills.
• Beverages:
  C₈H₁₀N₄O₂ (caffeine) will be available on tap.
  C₂H₅OH (ethanol) is permitted—but only for those with security clearance above LST-05-XX.
• Snacks:
  Curated by animal consultants. Expect lichen chips, artisanal liver bits, and tuna tartare served at purr-fect temperature.

4.0 Important Notes

• Family members are allowed—after signing NDA Form P-A3 (Picnic Amendment).
• The Sabotör (LST-00.70901) will be assigned to Balloon Duty to keep him away from the main crowd.
• Donkeys will be present as emotional support supervisors as part of the .
• All picnic games are secretly team-building exercises designed to identify candidates for lateral reassignment.

5.0 Contingencies

• In case of inclement weather (asteroid showers, reality tears, goose-related hostility), the event will move to the Indoor Simulation Arena—which can mimic any environment, including a pleasant meadow or the surface of Mars.