2.0 CORE RESPONSIBILITIES

LST-00.817 is responsible for:

Monitoring digital and analog channels for mentions of LaStill International, including but not limited to:

• █████ █████ ██████████
• ███████, █████, ███ █████████ (█.█/████████████████)
• Whispered conversations in hardware store aisles
• Graffiti in economically ambiguous neighborhoods

██████████ ███████ ██████ Tonal Criteria Set 7-B:

• █████ █████ ██████████
• Speculation presented as insider knowledge
• ██████ ███████████ ████████████ Standard 2046
• Photos of animals looking judgmental near tools

Submitting daily reports using Form SST-13 (“Signal Summary Tally”)

Occasionally resetting the “Perceptual Panic Button” (a large, red, entirely placebo button beneath their desk)

3.0 PERFORMANCE METRICS

█████████: ████████ ██ Gregory Nods of Approval (GNA)

██████████: █████████ ██████ █████ 14 signals/hour

███████████: █████ ███ ██████████ ██████████—█████ ███████ ███ ███████

Attitude: Neutral to slightly pessimistic; optimism is grounds for recalibration

4.0 EQUIPMENT ISSUED

• One (1) refurbished monitor displaying constantly updating text streams
• One (1) ergonomic chair (adjustable, but only slightly)
• One (1) jar of artisanal lichen chips (for stress mitigation)
• One (1) dedicated “🤫” emoji key for rapid response filing

5.0 NON-NEGOTIABLE PROTOCOLS

Do not engage with users—even if they’re almost right
Do not attempt to explain “█████████ ████████████████ ████████████”
Never mention the geese by their first names

If you see LST-01.TSO nearby, minimize all windows and pretend to be counting dust particles, (virtual counting is fine)

6.0 REMINDER

Tier 0 Associate LST-00.817  do not have decision-making authority.
Tier 0 Associate LST-00.817 have notification authority.
█████████████████ ███████████
██████████ ███████████████ ███████████████
█████████████ ███████████

Signed,
LST-04.1 Signal Curator
Perception Management Department
LaStill International

Acknowledged,
LST-00.817
Tier 0 Associate — Social Signal Monitor

This document may not be used as evidence of actual importance. Failure to perform may result in reassignment to Lunar Dust Duty or mandatory attendance at a seminar titled “Your Feelings Are Not Data: An Introduction.” The geese have already reviewed this document and found it “acceptable,” which is the highest praise you will receive. Do not expect more.