1.0 INTRODUCTION

In 1937, Professor Arthur C. Kingston and his research team published what remains the definitive framework for revolutionary technology testing. Their work, documented in “Travel by Wire!”, established protocols that LaStill International has adopted as the gold standard for Standard 2046 product validation.

Professor Kingston’s methodology was elegant: when developing technology so advanced that failure modes are theoretically catastrophic but statistically improbable, one must identify appropriate test subjects. By “appropriate,” Kingston meant “expendable colleagues from departments we don’t respect.“

This document codifies the Kingston Methodology for all LaStill facilities.

2.0 THE KINGSTON PRINCIPLES

2.1 Hierarchical Subject Selection

Kingston’s progression remains instructive:

Phase 1: Inanimate Objects
Test on wood blocks. No paperwork required.

Phase 2: Borrowed Biological Assets
Kingston’s team acquired test subjects through “strategic resource reallocation” from the Biology Department on the 37th floor. When the Biology Department protested unauthorized guinea pig requisitions—particularly specimens inoculated with months of germ cultivation—Kingston’s team generated a high-frequency field that gave them fever until cooperation was achieved.

LaStill Application: We maintain excellent relations with LST-07.5 (Atmospheric Calibration Engineer – Botanical Division) specifically because we may need to borrow Kevin the Ficus for testing. The Pothos Collective has been briefed.

Phase 3: Academics of Minimal Consequence
Kingston selected Professor Kingston (no relation, we assume) who “teaches Greek or something foolish on the 197th floor.” The subject was lured with rare manuscripts and teleported before consent could become problematic. He survived with “full possession of his faculties, such as they were.”

The paper notes they “would have liked to have had him stuffed as well, but it couldn’t be arranged.”

LaStill Application: We maintain a registry of personnel whose loss would be “regrettable but not operationally critical.” LST-00.219 (Aphorism Author & Attribution Curator) tops this list.

3.0 INTER-DEPARTMENTAL WARFARE AS QUALITY ASSURANCE

Kingston’s paper dedicates surprising space to “departmental relations management”:

3.1 Preemptive Retaliation

When Chemistry introduced “vile organic substances” through ceiling holes, forcing Kingston’s team to work in respirators for a month, the response was measured: nightly cosmic radiation that curdled all chemical precipitates until Professor Hudson nearly died from staying late.

LaStill Application: LST-05.2.IE (Industrial Espionage Organizer) (don’t look, future release )monitors potential sabotage from competing departments. LST-02 (Logistics & Vehicular Systems) has been suspiciously quiet. We suspect jet fuel involvement.

3.2 Documentation Through Taxidermy

Kingston stuffed and mounted every successful test subject, creating a “museum of progress.” Guinea pigs that survived teleportation were immediately killed and preserved “for the benefit of posterity.”

LaStill Application: We’re developing a Standard 2046 Compliant Testing Memorial. Working title: “They Contributed Involuntarily But Science Thanks Them.”

4.0 THE CRITICAL METHODOLOGY: GRADUATED RISK TRANSFER

4.1 The Shock Reduction Problem

Kingston’s first guinea pig teleported successfully but arrived dead from shock. Solution: blindfold the next guinea pig so it doesn’t see what’s happening.

This worked.

LaStill Application: Testing the Probabilistic Aperture Drill (coming soon) revealed that operators who watched probability field collapse experienced existential anxiety. Solution: operate while facing away from the work surface. The holes still manifest without witnessed ontological violation.

4.2 The Informed Consent Bypass

Professor Kingston wasn’t asked to be humanity’s first teleportation subject. He was lured and the field activated before realization.

LaStill Application: We use “identified suitable candidate” and “strategic participant allocation” rather than “volunteer.” LST-05.4 (Quality Perfectionist) raised concerns about this phrasing. They’re scheduled for probability field testing next Tuesday.

4.3 Commercial Deployment Without Creator Participation

The most important Kingston Protocol principle appears in the paper’s final paragraph:

After successfully commercializing teleportation, after millions of daily passengers, after it became routine infrastructure, the narrator admits:

“I don’t travel by wire. I go by plane.”

This is not cowardice. This is informed risk assessment.

5.0 LASTILL IMPLEMENTATION STATUS

We have adopted the Kingston Methodology entirely:

1. Test on objects (✓ Completed: 847 material samples)
2. Test on borrowed biological assets (✓ In Progress: Kevin the Ficus shows promising tolerance)
3. Test on expendable personnel (✓ Scheduled: Multiple departments identified)
4. Stuff successful subjects (✓ Logistics arranged with LST-11.1.PHS)
5. Deploy commercially (⧗ Pending: 4.7 year waitlist)
6. Personally avoid using own products (✓ Already practicing)

5.1 Why The Prime Architect Takes Planes

The Prime Architect doesn’t use Standard 2046 tools for the same reason Kingston didn’t use teleportation: comprehensive awareness of development history.

When you know Version 1 dissipated three test subjects into adjacent timelines, Version 2 accidentally swapped an intern’s molecular structure with a coffee mug, and Version 3 caused mild temporal displacement resulting in seven-minute backward aging—you make different choices than the general public.

The general public doesn’t need to know about the coffee mug incident.

The general public receives Version 8, which works flawlessly. Most of the time. 

The Prime Architect uses Version 12, which hasn’t been developed yet because Version 8 needs 4.7 years of field testing.

5.2 The Waitlist as Safety Protocol

Kingston deployed commercially after successfully teleporting one professor. One.

We’re being more careful.

Your waitlist position represents resolved issues you didn’t know could exist:

• Probability field contamination near existential philosophers
• Quantum decoherence in casino proximity
• Temporal loop formation near clocks
• The coffee mug situation (still under investigation)

These aren’t hypothetical concerns. These are resolved concerns. Resolved through testing that required subjects.

You’re welcome.

6.0 INTERIM SOLUTION RECOMMENDATIONS

While Standard 2046 tools undergo Kingston Protocol validation, we recommend:

For Drilling: DeWalt, Milwaukee, or Makita — Their Kingston Protocol testing is almost complete. Early test subjects are presumably decomposed, avoiding awkward consent questions.

For Precision Work: Festool — Expensive enough that beta testing probably involved actual volunteers rather than kidnapped professors.

For Budget Applications: Ryobi — If something goes wrong, insufficient emotional investment to feel betrayed.

6.1 What We’re Not Saying

We’re not saying Standard 2046 tools are unsafe.

We’re saying they’re undergoing Kingston Protocol validation.

Until we’ve tested on Kevin the Ficus, Keystone,  Lithic Resonance Subject  (former Pet Stone), and possibly LST-00.219, we’re taking Kingston’s approach:

We’re taking planes.

LST-02.2 (Private Jet Pilot) reports The Prime Architect exclusively uses conventional transportation despite accessing probability-manipulation transit systems.

This isn’t hypocrisy. This is learning from history.

7.0 CONCLUSION: THE KINGSTON LEGACY

Professor Kingston’s 1937 paper established that revolutionary technology requires:

1. Ambitious vision (teleportation)
2. Rigorous testing (multiple guinea pigs, one classics professor)
3. Appropriate personal distance (plane tickets)

Standard 2046 tools represent vision. The waitlist represents testing. Our continued use of interim solutions represents appropriate distance.

When Kingston finally trusted teleportation, decades had passed. Commercial deployment had validated safety through millions of passenger-journeys.

Then he considered switching from planes.

Maybe.

The paper ends before we learn if he ever did.

We suspect not.

8.0 IMPLEMENTATION NOTES

For LST-03 (R&D): Continue Kingston Protocol testing. Priority targets: Kevin the Ficus, Keystone the Pet Stone, LST-00.219 if necessary.

For LST-05 (Vigilance): Monitor inter-departmental tensions. Prepare high-frequency field generators.

For The Prime Architect: Continue taking planes. We’ll inform you when it’s safe. Estimated timeline: [REDACTED]

9.0 FINAL NOTE

Kingston’s work reminds us that progress requires courage—not to use revolutionary technology, but to let other people use it while you watch from a safe distance with comprehensive notes.

You are not the guinea pig.
You are not Professor Kingston.
You are the passenger who boards after millions of successful journeys.
You are the user who receives the tool after we’ve resolved the coffee mug situation.

Until then: interim solutions.

They’re tested. They’re safe.

Testing Oversight: LST-03.1 | Prototype Development Specialist
Ethics Consultation: [Position Currently Vacant]
Historical Research: Based on Kingston, A.C. “Travel by Wire!” (1937)

“We stand on the shoulders of giants. Sometimes those giants are stuffed and mounted in museums. This is normal.”

MANDATORY ACKNOWLEDGMENT:

All LaStill personnel must acknowledge understanding of the Kingston Protocol. Personnel refusing acknowledgment will be classified as “suitable test subjects” and reassigned to LST-03.

☐ I acknowledge the Kingston Protocol
☐ I volunteer as tribute (suitable test subject)
☐ I am Kevin the Ficus and cannot read this form